Someone wrote to me asking what I thought about recent reports that Trump is worried about getting into heaven. To be honest, I don’t give much thought to Trump making it into heaven because I’m pretty sure he wrecked that opportunity long ago. At any rate, God understands that if he’s going to prepare a place in heaven for Trump he needn’t bother to prepare one for me because the very last place I ever want to be is in Trump’s presence, dead or alive. For me, spending any time with Trump, here or in eternity, is a form of hell, & that alone should rule out God putting us together in a gated community of any sort.

Not very Christian of me, you say?

Spare me the lecture. This man has raped children. Teenage girls. He has been found guilty of raping a young woman. He is a felon. Twice-impeached. He is a racist who has a long history of racist actions against Blacks and is especially cruel to Black women. (I suspect it’s because he really wanted to rape Black women but never had the opportunity so he targets them in other ways).

Trump has lived his entire life in direct opposition of everything Christ stood for. He loathes the poor. He demeans the disabled. He derides people with health issues. He robs from the middle class to enrich himself and his wealthy friends. He is a bully, a thug, a wanker, a misogynistic pig of a man.

Pretty sure even if he repeated I John 1:9 every hour he has left on this earth, he still wouldn’t qualify for heaven.

There is absolutely nothing Trump could do to rectify the decades of abuse he’s heaped upon others. I don’t ascribe to a belief that a person can be the most gawd-awful human on earth but as long as he prays a prayer of confession in the last hours of his/her life they have earned a Go Straight to Heaven card. I don’t believe it for Byran Kohberger and I don’t believe it for Donald Trump.

But to further clarify, I don’t believe in a physical gilted-gold heaven that looks similar to the gaudy Oval Office or Mar-a-Lago either. So there’s that. I just know that if God wants heaven to be a place of peace, he’d be wise to keep me far, far away from Donald Johns Trump.

In its most primitive form my idea of heaven is that we get to be in God’s presence when our souls leave our earthly homes. I don’t know what that looks like from a physical standpoint. I highly doubt that God believes in gated communities, however. Nothing about the character of God leads me to believe that God is exclusionary. That seems to be a man-made construct, this locking gates business. Good for political satire cartoons and sitcoms but not much else.

I would venture that Trump actually has no desire to be in the presence of God, Almighty. He’s certainly never displayed any interest in doing so while he’s breathing. I doubt his character will change much once he’s dead. I can’t imagine him in the presence of the Creator, given that humility isn’t his strong suit and protending to be the big man about town is what he boasts about most. Can you imagine Trump really standing before the throne of God wearing that shit-eating grin of his and waiting for God to tell him what a great job he did here on earth?

Yeah, me neither.

Can you imagine God sucking up to Trump the way those bawbags on his cabinet do?

Yeah, me neither. God isn’t the sucking up type to nobody.

So, naw, I can’t imagine God hanging out with a rapist like Trump. I rather think God may hang a millstone around Trump’s neck and throw him into the depths of the deep blue sea.