Reach out, they said. Try and talk to those across the aisle, they said. So I tried. Several times, all with family members. I made an honest effort to speak peaceably, to ask questions, to try and understand why they would vote for a rapist and convicted felon, or why they wouldn’t vote for a woman who has served as a prosecutor, state attorney general, senator and vice-president.

Not once did they say anything about the price of eggs or the cost of fuel. They did complain about the homeless. So I pointed out that the wealth gap which is growing exponentially in this country and is a big contributor to the housing crisis. When they complained about social programs and how they create a community of people who don’t want to work, I pointed out that unemployment was at a 50-year low, so clearly people are working. Many are working two to three jobs.

“She’s not qualified,” argued one.

“How is she not qualified?” I asked, noting in detail all the jobs she’s had.

“She’s never served in the military,” was the reply.

“This is not a healthy discussion,” I said, realizing the futility of it all, taking my leave.

Another went a bit off the rails when they declared, “I wish somebody would take her out.”

“What?” I implored. “Why would you say such a thing?”

They had no excuse for why they wished such a thing. And truthfully, I know why even if they don’t – they adhere to a belief system that women are not to hold positions of authority over men. Archaic. Patriarchy. Embedded Misogyny.

When the video came out of that vulgar convicted felon suggesting the execution of Liz Cheney, a Republican, I sent it to family members who have voted for that vulgar man. “You okay with this?” I asked. The answer came quickly: “Foolish comment from a man who does not hold his tongue, kinda like the writer that puts every thought to page without measuring or weighing the cost.”

“A writer doesn’t have the power to kill others or have them killed…I will thankfully never understand how any Christian much less a Gold Star family member can vote for a convicted felon or serial sexual assailant,” I responded.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to understand. You’ve swayed so far from what the Bible and what Jesus teaches that your condemnation and vile talk/writing has only left me heartbroken when I think of the great woman you once were. My relationship with Christ and my Christian beliefs are what I anchor my life in. You live a life of sin and flaunt it in Christ’s face with your writings because society has deemed it acceptable and culture has come to crave sin. You’ve ostracized your extended family. You attack anyone who differs from your political agenda. You speak with the superiority of a believer but no evidence of peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness or forbearance. I pray you find a church home that preaches the Bible and the Lord teaches you. We all have to stand before the judgement seat at the end of the days. I don’t think he is much going to care which corrupt villain I vote for. I think and repent of my continual sin often and fight away my sin nature. When you stand before the judgement seat you’re going to have a lot of writing to account for.”

On and on it went in the same vein, absence of any love or concern, just full of more condemnation. Reach across the aisle they said. So I did, to my own detriment.

The irony is, of course, that they make excuses for the rapist, the convicted felon, while damning me all to hell. Me, kin of their kin, blood of their blood. I grew up in the South. I get the Bible culture. There was a time, a hard time, when I was the only member of our broken family who went to church, who was there every time the doors opened. I have had the benefit of being taught by the finest of preachers. Men who weren’t misogynistic, weren’t paternalistic. Men who would never have voted for the felon. Men who never demeaned or dismissed women. Men who sought to elevate the voices of women. Those preachers taught me to think critically, to not be afraid of doubts, to question those seeking to impose their authority over me. Thankfully, I married such a man as well.

My faith is a lot messier than many because I do have doubts about a lot of matters. I don’t see the world as a craven sinful place. I love this world. I love the people in it. I love this life. I am not living for the heaven beyond but for the heaven here.

I have beliefs. I believe that Jesus cares about women. I believe Jesus honors women. I think Jesus hurts when men sexually assault women. I think Jesus abhors it when men refer to women as hoes or mockingly say “She slept her way to the top.” I think Jesus is hurt when men mistreat women, when they talk over women or when they verbally batter women, calling them “trash”. I think Jesus would vote for a woman, if he did that sort of thing. I think Jesus despises it when men tell women, or boys tell girls, “Your body, my choice.”

That’s my belief.

I also believe that it does no good to talk across the aisle with people enamored with cult figures. I believe talking across the aisle is useless with people who refuse to admit that the truth of the matter is they’d never defend a felon or rapist if he were a black man. Black men with 34 felony convictions would never get a shot at running for president. A Black man who is a felon evokes fear in white people. The truth is a Black man who dared to call for the execution of a white Congressional woman would be locked up, not running for president.

But here’s the other thing I believe, White Christian Nationalism is on the rise in this country and many have fallen victim to it.

For evidence, one only needs to look at the ballot box.