I was not standing in heels 12 hours after laboring. I could barely waddle to the bathroom much less greet my adoring public.

I love Kate. I do. I think she is God’s gift to Will after all that trauma with his mother. (And yes, I bet one of the 12 names the baby gets is Diana).

But I have to tell you, seeing her this way, so picture perfect hours after birthing her girl makes me reconsider our friendship. I mean how can you be friends with someone like that?

I need friends who will get down and dirty with me.

I feel so sorry for the poor girls who are currently pregnant, like my Ashley or my niece Nicole, who might look at Princess/Duchess Kate and think that might be the standard they have to emulate.

And all those men out there who look at Kate and wonder why their wives don’t look like that when they leave the hospital.

As if it isn’t bad enough that all those women in those viral videos are squeezing into their eight-year-old daughter’s pants three weeks later. Or prancing around in a bikini on some exotic island four weeks after delivering darling babies. Now we have Kate looking all sunshiney-golden, like she went in for a pedicure and came out with a baby.

Listen, if your husband gives you a hard time about not looking like Princess/Duchess Kate, tell him to buy you a home like this.

And a staff of helpers like this:

And to start treating you like the future Queen, and don’t forget the jewels:

And you, too, can look just as good as Princess/Duchess Kate only hours after giving birth.

Until then, you might want to keep your expectations to a minimum. Giving birth is a lot of work – unless you are Kate, and then, it’s only a brief stop in the maternity ward. But for most of us, the process of giving birth is exhausting.

It’s okay to look bedraggled afterwards. If anyone gives you grief about that, tell them I gave you permission.