I’ve seen it too much in my lifetime.

Women, red-faced, shamed, apologizing.

Not for wrongs they have done. But for the wrongs their husbands, their sons, their brothers, their fathers, their bosses have inflicted.

Why do we do that?

Apologize for men.

Own the guilt that is theirs, alone?

Why do women feel the shame that men deny?

When men act the bully, and say or do the belittling thing, why do women feel the need to say, “I am so sorry, he shouldn’t have”?

Is it because we have trained women thus?

In our churches and in our schools, in our homes and in our workplaces.

Women are always coming up with excuses for the ill-behaved man.

He’s working hard.

He’s so stressed.

He needs a chance to get away.

It would be laughable were it not so grievous, to see women apologizing when men act badly.

My mother

She worked 3 p.m. to 11 p.m.

Went to college from 7 a.m. to 2 p.m.

Bought the groceries

The school supplies

Paid the bills

Filled the car with gasoline

And mowed the lawn herself

On the days she had off

When I hear women apologizing for men who act badly because of the stress they are under

I always think of my mother.

Nobody there to apologize on her behalf for the wrongs inflicted.

I want to shout: For the sake of all women everywhere, for the women throughout the whole of history, please for the Love of God, do not do that.

Do not apologize for the wrongs men have wrought.

It keeps them from growing up

Accepting responsibilities

Owning their own bad behavior

And lack of good character.

Don’t apologize for your son

Your husband

Your father

Your brother

Your pastor

Your boss

Your co-worker

Let the men grow up.

Quit coddling them.

Every time you apologize for a man, you do wrong by your sisters, your mother,  your grandmothers and your daughters.

Who is apologizing to women for that?

Karen Spears Zacharias is author of Mother of Rain, a novel.