News sources are reporting that the thing Republicans feared most is true: Donald Trump’s campaign is a hoax. He only accepted their nomination because he is determined to see Hillary Clinton become the 46th President of the United States.
Breaking news this morning from DailyCon.com reports that Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump have been carrying on an affair behind closed doors since the Summer of 1968 when the two met at a anti-war protest on the campus of Syracuse University.
Hillary told Glamour magazine that she first noticed the Don because he was wearing a special boot because of heel spurs that had kept him out of the most dangerous period of the war – the Tet Offensive.
It was their mutually selfish-ambition that attracted New York’s most spoiled bachelor to the charmingly disarming brainiac Illinois native.
Asked what kind of lover he was, Hillary said the Don was experienced, “But he has rather small and effeminate hands.” She denied that the Don’s reputation for cheating was a problem for her. “Donald has a short attention span. He isn’t the type of man who could ever be faithful to one woman. He is like the chief elder. He needs a whole tribe of women to boss around. That’s why I refused his repeated marriage proposals. I could never marry a man like Donald.”
“But you could maintain an affair with him all these years?” the interviewer asked.
“Why, yes,” Hillary said. “We love each other, in our own special way.”
Donald Trump confirmed to DailyCon.com that he has, indeed, been having an affair with Hillary Clinton since they met at that Vietnam protest rally in 1968. He said he had hoped to keep it secret until after November’s election but when DailyCon reporter SoJohner Truth reached him in Florida this week, Trump came clean.
“Yeah. Believe me. I love the woman. I think she’s great. Hillary is great. I tell you, she’s great. What’s not to love? She’s smart. The boobs, well, they aren’t what they once were but at one time, believe me. You would have liked them. They were huge. Real, too.”
When asked about all the nasty comments he had made about Hillary on the campaign trial, Donald Trump insisted that was all for show.
“I’ve been telling you for weeks now that the election was rigged. You believe me now? The American people like to be entertained, you know. They believe anything you tell them. Put it on video and pass it around. Put it on a website with Red or Con or Dem in the title and they will believe it.
“I am an entertainer. You’ve been entertained, haven’t you? Am I to blame if Americans thought I was serious? I was never serious. Is that my fault that the American people believe anything I say? It was all for show. I gave them a show. It’s great. I’m great. They love me. We have the biggest crowds.”
Asked if he was always planning on dropping out of the race and handing the win over to Hillary, the Don said, “Yeah. That has always been the plan. Listen, I tried to get the American people angry enough to get rid of me. Did I ever do anything that a decent human being would do? No.
“Unlike Hillary, I didn’t lie to the American people. I let them know right from the start that I wasn’t fit to be their candidate. I told them that I could stand in Times Square and shoot somebody and they would still vote for me. Can I help it if the American people are gullible? Why would anyone trust a man who has declared bankruptcy as many times as I have? I wouldn’t do business with a man like me. The GOP were running scared. This has been great fun. I’ve had the most fun of my adult life. So easy to dupe the American public. A little glitz. A little glamour. A bunch of lies. It’s easy. It’s great. It’s the hugeist deal of my life.”
When asked if he wanted to win in November, the Don insisted that he didn’t.
“Are you kidding me? No. I don’t want to win. That would be the worst thing ever. Can you imagine me with the nuclear codes? What are you nuts? Hillary is the best woman for the job. She’s great. She’s crooked as a country road but she’s great. I love her. I’ve always loved her. I wish she had married me but I was happy to just bask in her presence. She’s smart that one. Smartest woman I ever loved. You should vote for her. I am.”
SoJohner Truth is a correspondent for DailyCon.com. Leave a message below to reach him.