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By Karen, August 31, 2010 9:46 am

Confession: I stole this photo from CNN’s article on Ms. Dean

Your kid isn’t a real Christian. She’s faking it. And so is her brother.

That’s the warning issued by Kenda Creasy Dean, author of the new book (you knew it right?) Almost Christian.

Dean, a professor at Princeton Theological Seminary, came to her conclusions after interviewing 3,300 American teens between the ages 13 and 17 about their faith. Dean reportedly discovered that the teens were inarticulate and indifferent about their faith.

Duh. If she thinks teens are inarticulate she ought to spend a little time trying to read the online comment section of ESPN or CNN.

The author says this inability to articulate their faith is proof that American teens are embracing “moralistic therapeutic deism.” Listen, I’m an old woman with a college degree, who has penned a few books and I still had to look that up. I don’t know a single soul in my community, other than my husband, who uses words like that.

The people I know say things like “Git in the truck” or “You et chet? When they speak of God they refer to him as “Our Father” or “Creator” or the old-fashioned “Papa.” If you were to tell one of them that you think their teen is a Deist, they would just assume you are using some cuss word you picked up at the Mall. They might kick your butt for talking bad about their kid that way.

Best I can tell, the author is saying that teens today just don’t get it. Teens don’t yet understand that being a Christian – a real one versus a fake one – means trusting God even when the creek rises and your dog drowns and your mama runs off with the preacher and your daddy sits around the house all day watching Oprah and Extreme Home-Makeover reruns and crying. Dean said it a little different than I did but I went to one them there state schools best known for teaching people how to drive a John Deere tractor.

The suggestion that America’s teens are fake Christians will come as no surprise to most parents. What else do you expect from a generation raised on fake reality TV, in a society that encourages girls and boys alike to outfit themselves with fake boobs and fake booty? (I wonder if Dean knows that booty-boosting panties are the latest advancement in falsies. I try to keep up on all the latest fashion trends. Hot pants haven’t made a come-back since Jeannie C. Riley’s Harper Valley P.T.A. fell off the charts).

The author seems downright indignant about the findings of her study. She even points fingers. (Apparently, that Princeton education didn’t teach her the finger-pointing rule: When you point a finger at someone, there’s three more coming back in your direction.) She says the reason today’s teens are so fake is because “Churches don’t give them enough to be passionate about.”  

Y’all forgive me, I don’t mean to be ugly, but there comes a time when a girl needs to speak plainly so as not to confound the educated: Ms. Dean, you need to crawl out from that cubicle and circulate more. Meet some real people.

Meet my daughter who, for a year now, has served as a mentor to a 7-year-old girl. They get together and read books. It may not seem like much to you but for that little girl, those meetings are the highlight of her week. She hates her own mama for going off to prison and abandoning her, but she loves my daughter.

Meet my buddy John’s son. He is an artist and an Eagle Scout. He can talk about his faith in fifty different ways. He learned it from his daddy, I guess. His daddy volunteers with Meals-on-Wheels and writes me stories about the people he meets there.

Or my buddy Kevin who used to write for the Wall Street Journal. This past year, Kevin and his daughter Hannah wrote a book together, The Power of Half. It’s the story of how Hannah,15, challenged her parents to sell their fine home in Atlanta and to give half of the proceeds away. They are using the monies to help build wells to sustain 30 villages in Ghana.  

You may have heard of the comedian Jeff Foxworthy? He’s a funny, funny man, but his daughter Jordan? She is as serious as a heart attack. Jordan was 14 when she made her first trip to Kenya and held babies dying of malaria. Jordan decided she was going to be the change she wanted to see in the world, so she raised $500,000 by Tweeting her friends and asking them to donate $10 help these children. I bet if you had bothered to ask Jordan about her faith, you’d have found her to be articulate. I bet she could have schooled you in a thing or two.

You probably never heard of Whitney Ferrin. Whitney was a high school student when she learned that there were 900 homeless youth in Salem, Oregon. Whitney was rightly distressed by that – imagine, 900 homeless kids in the same town where legislators gather to hack away at the schools budgets. Whitney knew she couldn’t rely on those politicians, so she and some friends from church started the I Give a Shirt Foundation (igiveashirt.org). Ten dollars will buy you a snazzy tee. The proceeds are then used to help buy homeless teens the clothes they need. Whitney and her friends have helped outfit hundreds of homeless teens.

Really, Ms. Dean, I am sure you meant no harm by your little survey but you’ve done American teens a huge disservice, not to mention the local churches, youth groups, and youth service organizations working so hard to do the right thing, the God thing.

Maybe the kids you interviewed were intimidated by your education. Maybe you were too harsh to judge. Maybe you only reported on what you wanted to find. I don’t know but you got it wrong.  I put 24,000 miles on my car this year traveling from Bennettsville, South Carolina, to Mobile, Alabama, to Phoenix, Arizona, to Bend, Oregon. All along the way I met American teens who understand what it means to be a real Christian. Some of them even consider me a real friend and that brings real tears to my eyes.  

They probably wouldn’t have time to answer your survey questions, though. They are way too busy trying to live out their faith the way Jesus did, serving others in deed, and not word only.  

(Editor’s note: This story continues at http://karenzach.com/2010/more-on-fakes/)

(If you know of a teen who is living out their faith, tell us about them)