Q & A with Hugh: Not a small thing
Recently I introduced you to Hugh Hollowell, the shaved head behind Love Wins Ministry in Raleigh, North Carolina. I feature that ministry in my upcoming book. I promised you that we would visit more with Hugh in the days to come.
What I appreciate most about Hugh is that he makes me think about things in new ways and he challenges me to live out my faith in new ways as well.
I’ve asked Hugh if he would tackle some real-life scenarios to help me, and hopefully you.
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My question: I recently pulled out of a parking lot and there was a line of panhandlers at the stop light. How do I help? Who do I help?
Hugh’s answer:
I bet this is my most asked question. And there is no simple answer.
The short answer is – it depends.
In the sixth chapter of the Gospel of Luke, Jesus tells us to “give to anyone who asks you”. This is one of those passage we go to great lengths to explain that Jesus is not saying what he very clearly says.
We should be responsible with our finances and we all have bills to pay, so maybe we don’t have any extra money to share. Of course, we seem to find money for the new cell phone, the second -or third! car, the cable television and the internet access. But I digress. No matter who we are, we can all give something. One of our basic premises at Love Wins Ministries is that most of the good things that happen in our lives are the result of the relationships we have. So, if we want people to not live on the street anymore, we need to help them get higher quality relationships. Therefore, my guiding principle is this: What is the most relational thing I can give right now?
If you are late for an appointment and in a rush, maybe the best you can do is look them in the eye and give them respect and dignity. Later you can pray for them and, while doing it, ask yourself and God if maybe your life is out of control if it prevented you from showing mercy and compassion to one of God’s creatures.
Jesus says that giving a cup of cool water in his name is not a small thing – a cooler in the back seat with bottles of water to give to people who are holding a sign costs virtually nothing. Around here a case of water goes for less than $4. And it would be meaningful to the next 24 people who ask you for help. Socks are also always appreciated, and they are less than a dollar a pair in small quantities.
Maybe you give him a five dollar bill.* How much relationship did that take? Not much – but if you are hungry or trying to raise your rent, it matters… a lot. And if they are going to use it for drugs or alcohol – well, being homeless and standing on a corner and asking perfect strangers for money, while having insults, bottles and trash thrown at you is demeaning, demoralizing and just plain exhausting. You do that long enough, and you will be looking for escape as well.
Or maybe you could buy some food – say a value meal at McDonald’s – and give it to them. Or to step it up a notch, go ahead and buy two hamburgers, then come back and say ‘I was about to eat lunch and had an extra hamburger… can I sit here and eat lunch with you? Which is more relational? Which is better for them, not for you?
Right now, you are probably saying something like “But if I sat on the ground next to him and ate with him, what would the folks driving by think?”. Seriously, is this his problem, or yours? Jesus was often accused of hanging out with whores and sinners – why are we who follow him reluctant to earn the same charge?
The truth is, that person with a sign is a human being, with hopes and dreams and feelings and a soul. The Christian story is that he is beloved by God and, in fact, bears the very image of God. Jesus goes even further and in Matthew 25 tells us that the person we show compassion to (or don’t) is no less than Jesus himself. Maybe the very least we can do is treat them like a person?
Hopefully this answer of mine opens up more questions for you. Maybe what you are wondering is if the homeless with street signs are scammers (usually not), or if I am a dreamer (maybe, but I’m not the only one) or if I am some self-righteous liberal who talks a good game with nothing to back it up (come have lunch with me at the soup kitchen and find out – I’ll even let you have my cookie!). I know I haven’t answered all your questions, but that’s OK, because what we need are not more answers, but better questions.
*While we are on this subject – everyone is always concerned about what people will do with the money we give them. Yet we don’t do this in any other part of our life. If you give me a sweater for Christmas and I take it back to the store and get a toaster instead, you don’t get mad – it was a gift and is mine to do with as I please. And yet…
Give a homeless man a dollar and we worry about what he will do with it. Will he use it wisely? Buy drugs? Spend it on cigarettes? A gift is a gift – period. If I gave you a Target gift card for Christmas and said “Don’t buy any sweets with it, because you need to lose weight”, you wouldn’t feel loved, or respected or even very human. And could we really call that a gift? Once restrictions are placed on a gift, it becomes less than a gift – it becomes a means by which you control the other person.
If you’re not in a position where you can, with a clear conscience, give money to someone with no worries about how they will spend it, then don’t give money. However, ask yourself if it is really concern for the individual you are feeling, or if it is really about you and your need for control or your relationship with money than it is the spending habits of the recipient.
faith, homeless, homelessness, Hugh Hollowell, Love Wins Ministry, North Carolina, panhandlers, Raleigh, Will Jesus Buy Me a Doublewide
WOW! That gives me a lot to think about. I anxiously await further posts….
If you can’t do the relationship thing with/for the “needy” then it is often better to give (and give regularly) to ministries like Love Wins or others who can truly provide what pan-handlers need.
I loved the practical ideas that Hugh gave. Water, hamburger, socks, etc.
Sometimes though I think the greatest gift we have to give is the last thing we want to talk about, maybe it is because we are not Apostles and most of us believe the days of the Apostles are over and only the Apostles were given the gift.
Apart from that, Hugh has some very practical suggestions.
I can see a hamburger or socks etc,but not money.You are enabling,not helping that person.If a homeless person catches me at a restaurant and wants money to eat,i’ll buy them something to eat,but no money.You are feeding the problem with money.
Being homeless is no excuse for being a drunk or drug addict.THEY have control of being drug-free.No control from me there.That is all in their control.
The saddest thing I have ever seen,a homeless guy pushing his basket with a huge Oboma sign sticking out of it.I don’t think anyone bailed him out.That’s only for the banks and automakers.
Chinese proverb:Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.
It’s a great story I can go along with the practical part.We have plenty of them here. I was behind someone in the grocerie store I had given a dollar to a couple hours earlyer
buying a six pack of beer.Offer to buy them some food is something I would do.There is so much help out there if they want it. Hughs place is one of many.
Just a counterpoint to the no-strings-attached gifting of money: the analogy is flawed. Drugs and alcohol are self- (and potentially other-)harming uses of a gift, while returning a sweater for a toaster is clearly not. If I give you a kitchen knife as a present and you use it to (intentionally) cut yourself or someone else, I’m going to feel guilty.
Wow! So many tangents I could run off here but will save them for future discussions. Thanks everyone for you input.
It’s insightful to see the issue with money and how “parental” we become with it when dealing with the needy.
Long ago another wise soul and I were talking about this issue of giving panhandlers money. Here’s what he told me: “If they ask for money, I give it to them. That’s my responsibility before God. What they do with that money is their responsibility.”
I don’t always give money to the panhandlers. In this instance, where I came upon four or five of them at one stop light, I turned around, went back to the store, and bought them all gift-cards. Then I had my daughter pass a card to each one.
Like Hugh said, I don’t always have the time or the money to do that sort of thing. I have passed by panhandlers without bothering to make eye contact, much less give them a dollar.
That refusal to be relational seems like the worst thing I can do to a person in need.
Reading the comments now- thanks for taking the time to read and to comment.
I predicted to Karen that most of the comments would be about the money aspect of the post. You have proved me accurate.
You know – I don’t ask Bank of America what they do with the money I give them, or Wal-Mart, or even the Salvation Army. Yet somehow, if you live on the street, we feel we are more qualified than you are to decide what you do with your money. In other words, our money makes us better, or at least smarter, than them.
The problem is not the homeless. The problem is that we Christians have traded the love of Mercy and Justice for worship of the false gods of Money, Convenience and Control.
If they hit me at a drive-thru or in the parking lot, I offer to buy a meal, although not many have ever taken me up on it. I also refer them to one of the local missions, and in N’ville, if they will call 211, they will be referred to a place serving a hot meal. At least one downtown church serves lunch every day. A friend of mine carries $5 McD’s gift cards with him and gives those to the homeless and hungry.
Karen…Hugh….wow…and ouch. Very thought provoking and heart searching post.
…traded the love of mercy and justice for worship of the false gods of money, convenience, and control
FORGIVE ME JESUS and change my heart.
[...] should I respond to panhandlers? The short answer is, lovingly and personally. Go read my whole answer over [...]
Great post. I really agree with the comments about a gift being a gift and how it’s less than a gift once restrictions are placed on it. Completely true. I have never thought about it that way before. You inspire me to look at things from a new perspective, Hugh. Thanks for that.
I think if we live in tune with the Holy Spirit and rely on His guidance in all things we will do what is right at that moment. Next time you drive by a homeless person holding a sign and do nothing, capture that thought. Hopefully Christ won’t return the next moment and the last thing you did on earth was to ignore someone who was created by God.
Well, I may not ask BOA what they do with the money I give them, but I generally know how banks use my money – to make more money. And I do ask, in some sense, how the Salvation Army or other organizations use the money by every now and then reading up on the annual reports, budgets, etc. Organizations that want to help a certain group but use a large percentage of their funds for administration and overhead don’t always get my donation. As someone who raises funds for ministry support, I do have donors who ask about my budget, etc.
As far as the gift being a gift with no strings attached, there is a part of me that nods my head in agreement and a part of my heart that does not. I grew up in an honoring culture – my decisions and choices are not mine alone because “my choices” have an impact and influence on those around me. That honoring culture affects the way I receive gifts – some are without strings, but some come with strings that I don’t always see as controlling but rather defining the giver’s intent and best desires and wishes for me.
But I’m not homeless. Nor are the BOA executives. Nor are my family members and friends.
That being said, I will confess that the problem for me isn’t the homeless or money. It’s fear. There is something about looking a panhandler in the eye and acknowledging our common humanity and simultaneously recognizing the circumstantial divide that is unnerving and scary. I like being comfortable, and panhandlers make me uncomfortable.
I have to remember to carry around a few dollars and change because in my rush-around world the debit card is convenient but not practical when I need to slow down, make eye-contact and offer what practical help I can give.
Thanks Karen and Hugh for a great post!
Best conversation on these subjects I’ve ever seen. Thanks. Three non-hypotheticals:
1. Yesterday, I helped a young family of six (parents half my age) move out of their outsized but foreclosed dream house. The three car garage is larger than our entire house, the flat screen TV larger than our bed, much of it probably still on credit. The father is trying hard to keep his business alive. I guess I could have lectured them about their over-spending and addiction to stuff before offering my help or said maybe they need to be on the street to “learn their lesson”. But that’s not what they needed at the time. And what are our own addictions?
2. Being homeless doesn’t necessarily mean being houseless. We no longer see a sweet blind man at Sunday evening worship. Chronic bed bug infestations at his SRO apartment across the street finally forced him to relocate. But now he can no longer walk directly across the street to find community, food, friends, church and many of the other things that make life worth living. Is he better off? We miss him.
3. Sunday night, a man came to worship looking much better than he had on 12/27 when he looked terrible and talked about suicide, how hard the holidays had been alone. He’s been struggling against cocaine and had fallen down after a month of success. He was the last to leave as we closed on 12/27 and my wife gave him a hug. He burst into tears and said, “You have no idea what that means to me.” It may very well have saved his life. When we wonder how long it’s been since a person has last used, we might also ponder how long it’s been since their last hug.
Conclusion: We so often approach life seeking home-runs and strike-outs. Jesus described the kingdom of God as an endless series of bunts, base hits and even the occasional steal.
A great topic. I live in a very small town and we are seeing a lot more homeless people here. There are two shelters. When I see anyone homeless I always tell them at least 1. I will pray for them and 2. I give them at least a couple $. At Christmas I gave one a Reese’s Peanut Butter tree and told him I hope it would make him know people are thinking about him and praying for him. He took the $2 and the tree and said, “Hope is all I have. God bless you.” It was out in front of Cracker Barrel and he had a bag of food where someone had already bought him a meal.
This is wonderful, lots of good ideas on how to prepare to help when random chances arise and lots of food for thought on seeing homeless people as individuals. You may have read “Same Kind of Different As Me,” (on the NYT bestseller list for almost 2 years), but on Tuesday I heard one of the authors speak at a fundraiser lunch for a local community house about how his life was changed by finally learning to listen and see people as not homeless but as God’s people. Sometimes easier to say than do, but something we can all learn to work on.
I agree with much of this post and would like to add something I do. I talked to God when I am approached. I say things like if my car stops right in front or very close to this person asking for money then I will take that as a sign I need to give them some. Or I might say on my return trip if they are still here I will take that as a sign to give them money.
I also collect change around my house and put it in a plastic bag, its amazing how much you will collect and give that when I see someone. I certainly have money to share but I don’t want to be scamed I do want to give to people that need it. So I just try to stay in prayer about it. Its also different for women than for men, I don’t always feel safe opening my window. One man I work with puts in this way, would you rather err on the side of giving money to someone who doesn’t need it or not give to someone who really does.
Thanks to each of you who are sharing your suggestions. These are terrific.
Okay, so now I’m going to share with you one of those God poetry moments that I am always in search of.
One of the frustrating things for me as a writer is that it seems like I do a lot of yapping about what we ought to be doing and not very much doing.
Today I got the opportunity to live it out.
It’s cold here, bitter cold, like most of the nation. As I was out running errands I saw a young girl wearing nothing but jeans and sweatshirt, pushing a stroller and trying to herd a toddler through a crosswalk. I couldn’t stop but I drove around the block & pulled into a parking lot. “Can I help you?” I asked as I rolled down the window. “Do you need a ride somewhere?”
She was reluctant but it was freezing out. I told her my husband’s a teacher. She was headed to the hospital for a drs. appt. Seems she just moved here from Oklahoma. Homeless, she’s living with a friend in a rural area a ways out from town. Her baby’s daddy “was shot in the head.”
Yesterday I read in Luke where John the Baptist said, “Let the man with two tunics share with him who has none.”
Today I took off my newest winter coat and gave it to this young mother. I have more in my closet.
I took her to the hospital, gave her my phone number, told her to call if she needs a ride, anywhere.
And I asked what she needs.
She’s looking for a place to rent. I suspect she’s going to need furniture, a job, clothes, etc.So I’ve contacted my care group at church and we are going to help as we can.
Sometimes we find God’s poetry in the blogs & crosswalks of life.
Karen, we had a similar experience recently, and we just took people into our house and gave them: sofas, tables, chairs, etc. etc. The care group who gathered the items was ministered to moreover than the person in need. It was one person in the care group who was just recently wondering, “what is this thing we believe, anyway?” and it was for him, I am sure, that we HAD to do this helpful thing. Helped a battered wife get her own place, too.
excellent post and comments. I work in a homeless ministry in San Antonio, Texas and get questions like this all the time, and stuff I’ve wrestled with as well. Keeping bottles of water in your car to hand out just makes sense as the minimum we can do and can be literally life-saving during the summer months. When approached for a dollar “for the bus”, I will give out bus tickets which can be purchased in packets of 10 for around $10 or $11 from your local public transportation company. Granola bars, snack crackers also keep in your car and can be given away (provided you also give water to drink!) I will sometimes give cash if “led”, I don’t have any particular criteria. I admit I still struggle with that “what will he use that money for?” because I grew up in a family with lots of addictions. But basically I agree with Karen that I am primarily responsible to be obedient to God’s Word and call to help the poor. Nowhere in Scripture have I found Jesus condemning extravagant generosity to the poor but many places where he condemns its lack. Thanks for keeping this conversation going, we need to wrestle with it.
As a general principal, I personally don’t think it’s helpful to give money to panhandlers. Every Monday for about a year I would hang out in Moore Square park in Raleigh and give sandwiches to some of the homeless people there. I don’t think the sandwiches were overly helpful, but it was a nice gesture that helped us get into conversations with people. In all that time, I never was asked for money. There was plenty of panhandling always taking place, and I would talk to the panhandlers, but they would never ask me for anything. On one occasion one of the panhandlers brought a case of beer and passed them out to everyone in our circle, including myself. I had come down to give out sandwiches and instead I was given beer!
I don’t really know what the lesson in my story is, but I will say that if the main purpose of giving someone money is to help us clear our own consciences, then it’s probably not productive. People who genuinely care for homeless people usually find more creative or longstanding ways to support those people than to drop them a dollar here and there. If you are a good Stuart of your money, you should care whether or not it is being spent on crack, the same way you should care if your money is being given to companies who use slave labor or pour out harmful pollutants into our environment. To say that it doesn’t matter how the money is used once it’s out of your hands is slightly irresponsible.
Hugh, we DO ask Bank of America what they do with our money. The reason I keep my money in a bank rather than in my neighbors safe is because there is some level of accountability there. Albeit, probably not enough accountability, but I know that BOA and Wal-mart are following rules and regulations that allow them to do business fairly, and therefore I feel okay about giving them my money. Furthermore, there are many companies people boycott because of their unethical practices. A person on the street offers you zero level of accountability, and that DOES give reason for concern.
And when someone does a service for you, you are not “giving” them money. You owe them the money and therefore you don’t have any power over how the person should spend what is rightfully their money. I would never just “give” Wal-mart money. I do however “give” money charity organizations, but only if they are registered non-profits who are held accountable for how they spend their money. If you give someone money, I think it’s fair to hold expectations for how it is to be spent.
[...] Go see what my answer was. [...]